Mother's Day was really tough this year. My youngest sister (We'll call her Booty) who is now 19 was expecting her first child. On Thursday morning before Mother's day she called me at 4am and asked me to take her to the hospital because she was having contractions and felt it was time. It was me, my mom, Booty, and Tomb Raider driving to Alta View Hospital and getting really excited for the new baby boy on his way. Everything seemed to be going alright until the nurse went to hook up the monitors and was unable to hear a heart beat. She didn't want to say anything in front of Booty so she said she was going to have the doctor come find the heart beat. The nurse pulled mom and me into another room and hit us with the truth. The baby was dead. My heart sank. I couldn't hold back the tears. Just two days before Booty went into her doctor and heard the baby's heart beat, and now he was gone. I can't even begin to describe how terrible I felt for my sister.
With all the poking and prodding the nurses and doctor did to try and find the heart beat the baby drifted into a breached position so they decided to do a C-section.
They didn't want to give her anything to dry up her milk so when she began to lactate she became extremely depressed that she didn't have a baby to feed.
She was released from the hospital on Mother's Day. On her way home she called me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It took all I had not to break down so I said, "Happy Mother's Day to you, too...You are a Mother." She told me I was the first person to say it to her and thanked me. That did it and I started to cry again.
I love my sister so much. It's been a nightmare watching her go through this. It has also brought back some painful memories for me. I lost my first child at 17 weeks. I think it's much worse to take a child to full term and lose it though.
As Booty heals, physically and emotionally, I have been trying to spend lots of time with her and make sure she is not alone for long periods of time. She's asked me tons of questions about my miscarriage and it's helped me to be honest with myself. I realize now that I never really dealt with the loss of my son properly but talking about it has helped me to cope.
We had a funeral for Baby Elroy on May 12th. It was a very emotional day. After the funeral we went to the hospital to meet our new niece. Lovebug's youngest sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
Thank you to all of those that have kept my sister and my family in their thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Update for my 3 Followers!
Ok, so no wonder I only have 3 followers cuz apparently I only post something every 3 months! LOL!
Anyways, just wanted to update ya'll on the latest.
Spike finally was placed with the family that wanted to take guardianship of him. It was a real struggle at the end for all of us. He was just so anxious to leave that he stopped caring about the rules of our home. I hope he will make great choices for himself and I wish him the best in his life.
Since Spike left we had an opening at our house. This is a rare occurrence since most of our kids stay for long periods of time. It just so happened that a boy(we'll call him Sancho) who was placed with us about 1 & 1/2 years ago had graduated his program for troubled youth and requested to return to our home. Lovebug and I have tried to make it a policy of ours that we don't take kids back because they usually left due to extreme behavioral issues. However, we are suckers for the second chance and we decided to give Sancho a try...again. I swear, what good is a policy if you just don't use it!!!
Sancho did alright for the first couple of weeks and seemed to be a reformed soul but that was just a honeymoon stage because after week 3 Lovebug and I were kicking ourselves for breaking the policy of no second chances! Within 6 weeks Sancho had managed to get into trouble at home, with the law, and most of all at school. He was suspended numerous times and finally expelled. He was then placed in a "Special School" for the "Mentally and Emotionally Disturbed". Within 2 weeks they were talking about expelling him from there, too! OMG! I didn't think it was possible for someone to be too "disturbed" for a "Special School" for the "Mentally and Emotionally Disturbed"!!!
On top of all this, Sancho had (and still has) over $2,000 of restitution to pay for a crime he committed over 3 years ago. He was on a youth work crew trying to pay back his debt to society but ended up kicked out of that, too.
It's been almost 4 months of these problems with Sancho. The short bus is still coming to get him in the mornings so at least they didn't kick him out of the "Special School" (Thank Goodness!) Everyone on his team has had it with him. Judge, Caseworker, Therapist, Tracker, Teachers...even Lovebug and I are wondering if there is anything we can really do for him or is he just one of those kids destined to be locked up for the rest of his life...this truly is a heart wrenching realization. You can only do so much. Everyone knows the old cliche that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If Sancho doesn't pull things together soon his fate will be out of our hands. It's going to be a lock down facility for him instead of a family who cares and wants him to be successful.
This week Sancho has shown some improvements. I am forever optimistic. I hope he can maintain this new path and see the light so to speak.
Fisher is doing well, a few bumps in the road but he copes appropriately. He enjoyed his stay in Oregon with his Grandma and other family members. When he returned home his Caseworker began the paper work to transfer his case from Utah to Oregon so he could be placed with his Grandma. All was going well until Grandma told the Home Inspector that she believed in corporal punishment and would beat Fisher if he got out of line...ummm...DENIED!
Now, I'm not one of those over zealous parents that thinks ALL kind of corporal punishment is WRONG...however, beating a 17 year old seems a bit over the top. You're going to get hit back! I mean, there is a HUGE difference between Fisher who is 17 and Tomb Raider who is 4 and still learning to keep her fingers out of power outlets! Needless to say it was a huge disappointment for Fisher but he made the most of things and was grateful to have the option to stay with Lovebug and I until he graduates high school and gets out on his own.
Jaguar turned 16. He has his driving permit so stay off the sidewalks! LOL! J/K He's a good driver. I'm very proud of him. On April 27Th Lovebug and I are taking Custody and Guardianship of Jaguar. It's like adoption. He will be ours and no longer be considered a Foster Child. We are all very excited. He truly deserves it. He has been in and out of Foster homes for 9 years! His mother lost her parental rights 6 years ago. Jaguar is an exceptional young man who has goals and heart. He is going places! I am honored that he asked us to make him a part of our family permanently!
Yesterday, Jaguar and I spent some quality time together at the Shooting Range. Since this post is long, I'll save the story for next time!
Anyways, just wanted to update ya'll on the latest.
Spike finally was placed with the family that wanted to take guardianship of him. It was a real struggle at the end for all of us. He was just so anxious to leave that he stopped caring about the rules of our home. I hope he will make great choices for himself and I wish him the best in his life.
Since Spike left we had an opening at our house. This is a rare occurrence since most of our kids stay for long periods of time. It just so happened that a boy(we'll call him Sancho) who was placed with us about 1 & 1/2 years ago had graduated his program for troubled youth and requested to return to our home. Lovebug and I have tried to make it a policy of ours that we don't take kids back because they usually left due to extreme behavioral issues. However, we are suckers for the second chance and we decided to give Sancho a try...again. I swear, what good is a policy if you just don't use it!!!
Sancho did alright for the first couple of weeks and seemed to be a reformed soul but that was just a honeymoon stage because after week 3 Lovebug and I were kicking ourselves for breaking the policy of no second chances! Within 6 weeks Sancho had managed to get into trouble at home, with the law, and most of all at school. He was suspended numerous times and finally expelled. He was then placed in a "Special School" for the "Mentally and Emotionally Disturbed". Within 2 weeks they were talking about expelling him from there, too! OMG! I didn't think it was possible for someone to be too "disturbed" for a "Special School" for the "Mentally and Emotionally Disturbed"!!!
On top of all this, Sancho had (and still has) over $2,000 of restitution to pay for a crime he committed over 3 years ago. He was on a youth work crew trying to pay back his debt to society but ended up kicked out of that, too.
It's been almost 4 months of these problems with Sancho. The short bus is still coming to get him in the mornings so at least they didn't kick him out of the "Special School" (Thank Goodness!) Everyone on his team has had it with him. Judge, Caseworker, Therapist, Tracker, Teachers...even Lovebug and I are wondering if there is anything we can really do for him or is he just one of those kids destined to be locked up for the rest of his life...this truly is a heart wrenching realization. You can only do so much. Everyone knows the old cliche that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If Sancho doesn't pull things together soon his fate will be out of our hands. It's going to be a lock down facility for him instead of a family who cares and wants him to be successful.
This week Sancho has shown some improvements. I am forever optimistic. I hope he can maintain this new path and see the light so to speak.
Fisher is doing well, a few bumps in the road but he copes appropriately. He enjoyed his stay in Oregon with his Grandma and other family members. When he returned home his Caseworker began the paper work to transfer his case from Utah to Oregon so he could be placed with his Grandma. All was going well until Grandma told the Home Inspector that she believed in corporal punishment and would beat Fisher if he got out of line...ummm...DENIED!
Now, I'm not one of those over zealous parents that thinks ALL kind of corporal punishment is WRONG...however, beating a 17 year old seems a bit over the top. You're going to get hit back! I mean, there is a HUGE difference between Fisher who is 17 and Tomb Raider who is 4 and still learning to keep her fingers out of power outlets! Needless to say it was a huge disappointment for Fisher but he made the most of things and was grateful to have the option to stay with Lovebug and I until he graduates high school and gets out on his own.
Jaguar turned 16. He has his driving permit so stay off the sidewalks! LOL! J/K He's a good driver. I'm very proud of him. On April 27Th Lovebug and I are taking Custody and Guardianship of Jaguar. It's like adoption. He will be ours and no longer be considered a Foster Child. We are all very excited. He truly deserves it. He has been in and out of Foster homes for 9 years! His mother lost her parental rights 6 years ago. Jaguar is an exceptional young man who has goals and heart. He is going places! I am honored that he asked us to make him a part of our family permanently!
Yesterday, Jaguar and I spent some quality time together at the Shooting Range. Since this post is long, I'll save the story for next time!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Spank my Booty???
Okay, so this happened a little while ago but I forgot to blog about it and since I'm here I might as well amuse my whole 3 followers of this blog.
I was at Ross trying on some tasteful and sexy lingerie. Tomb Raider was with me and she was restless so I pulled out my I-pod and let her have a listen. A few minutes later, she looks at me, takes the ear buds out of her ears, and says, "Mommy, spank my booty?"
I was completely mortified as I said "WHAT!?! Let me see that I-pod!" sure enough there it was "Spank My Booty" by Lords of Acid filling my little girl's ears with S&M lyrics as I tried on sexy clothing!
I really hope no one else in that fitting room heard the words spank my booty roll of the top of her innocent tongue!
So, parents, like I've said before...your kids are watching your every move...and listening to every word...even if it's something you don't want them to know!
NOTE TO SELF-make a play list of kid safe songs for my I-pod!
I was at Ross trying on some tasteful and sexy lingerie. Tomb Raider was with me and she was restless so I pulled out my I-pod and let her have a listen. A few minutes later, she looks at me, takes the ear buds out of her ears, and says, "Mommy, spank my booty?"
I was completely mortified as I said "WHAT!?! Let me see that I-pod!" sure enough there it was "Spank My Booty" by Lords of Acid filling my little girl's ears with S&M lyrics as I tried on sexy clothing!
I really hope no one else in that fitting room heard the words spank my booty roll of the top of her innocent tongue!
So, parents, like I've said before...your kids are watching your every move...and listening to every word...even if it's something you don't want them to know!
NOTE TO SELF-make a play list of kid safe songs for my I-pod!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Holiday Hang Over!
This Christmas was a wake up call for me. It's not fun anymore. Does this mean I have crossed over to the old side? Have I become a scrooge? OMG! The holidays provided everyone in the house an excuse to shirk their chores. By the time Christmas was over my house (especially the kitchen) looked like a landfill! Yuck! I was so pissed and the Christmas tree was in my cross hairs! I almost tore that thing down and threw it in the trash! Luckily, my family knows me and loves me enough to know when I've had enough. They started pitching in and helping clear up.
Now that I've had time to look at what happened in an rational manner I realized that I am partially to blame for my frustration. After all, I could have asked for help or mentioned to the kids that their chores be done before they partake in the festivities. I got sloppy and did what they did...actually, they probably all were just following my lead. I was shirking my responsibilities, too!
Kids are watching! Believe me on this one! They are learning from our gestures, words, and actions. It doesn't matter what you tell them, if they don't see you setting the example, they won't bother with it. I already knew this basic principle of parenting...I just needed a sore reminder.
So, next Christmas I'm planning it earlier. Chores will be kept up on and I will strive to set a better example for my kids so that 2009's Holiday Season is filled with Peace and Joy.
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